Saturday, January 30, 2010


Don't know what to say...don't read this if you're having a good day because I don't want to bring disappoint to I'm adding lots of paragraphs so you have the choice to avoid reading this blog right now, if you're having a good, positive day....

This morning, again, for the past month or so, not ignoring Jovee because having to take care of Shyanne, had to give Jovee some Children's Motrin / Tylenol because Jovee woke up with pains on her foot / behind her knee cap / leg.


This is the realistic, pessimistic, human side of me. As a neuroblastoma parent, especially with a child in remission, you cringe when your child complains of any pains in the joints or any type of pains anywhere. Especially when your child, like Jovee, isn't a complainer.

I'm not writing this to ask for any type of "feel sorry for the Lim family" message. I'm just writing because it's been a reality and a monumentous (if that's a word) concern, aside from Shyanne. Jeannine and I haven't talked about it too much, maybe because we don't want to, not ready to, not prepared to but reality is reality.

The oncologist says if it's not an all day complaining than she's not that worried about it. She doesn't live with Jovee all day, all the time. Jeannine says she does complain and has complained during the day about her legs and hips hurting. The pain, if she has any, is mostly during the night.

I scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO because if her neuroblastoma relapses than she only has time. How much we don't know. No child that has relapsed from neuroblastoma has lived, as far as I know, as far as all the NB kids that I've followed.

I don't know if I even want to pray for or believe in a miracle or miracles. Just don't want to be disappointed and get my hopes up. But I have to keep the faith...I really have to.

1 comment:

Melis said...

Ty - good talking to you this weekend. I hope that I was able to help you with the NB information on your lovely Jovee.

The worry in your heart right now is so huge. Don't apologize to anyone for your rantings - you need to get this stuff off your chest and your blog is great venue for that. You and your family have suffered the loss of a beautiful baby, Shyanne. Sunshine. It's only natural to have the feelings you're having. "Tear Soup" - read it!

To lose a child - in any manner - is, I think, the greatest loss we can experience as human beings. To have the extra burden of knowing that another of your children could possibly recur with neuroblastoma... well, you're entitled to rant, complain, say a few profanities, and scream NNOOOOOO!

God understands your anger, disappointment, confusion... and somewhere on your path He will have it make sense to you. It would be nice to know when, wouldn't it?

We'll keep in touch.
Melissa, Max's Mom